Absent Father


1. Everyday he whimpers upon reaching the classroom. Teachers are sick with him. We are puzzled by this behavior. Mum stands by him.

2. Probing into the history suggests a significant finding. Abandon by the father is believed to be significant to cause regressive behavior.

3. The hypothesis needs to be tested. The lab is a special rehabilitation class for children with special need. Teacher F moderates this client. He is a foster father, so to speak. In fact, the client doesn’t need to be in this class. The target is to get him back to the normal class as his IQ is sufficient enough for ordinary teaching in a normal classroom.

4. Feeling of loss and lack of love leads to the feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem. Social relationship is affected. He has no friend and doesn’t like to stay in the classroom. Added to the insult, is his small for age appearance and anxious emotional feeling.

5. When he shows too much attention-seeking behavior, teacher F ignores him. He comes back and reported of being ignored.

6. Father undoubtedly plays important role in the family. In those days, ‘ahem’ would just mean ‘don’t do that’. Father set and enforce a limit. Absence father figure has resulted in emotional difficulties in this child.

7. My advice: Making him understand by giving reassurance on how much mum and dad love him. If he feels loved, he can be helped to have well-adjusted life and grow up into a strong adult. Listen to him, let him talk and make him feel validated.

8. My final say: don’t give up!

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Update (21/3/12)

1. With perseverance, he is attending cognitive rehabilitation (CBT) class weekly and put back into the normal class.

2. Educational progress is monitored by continuous contact with teachers and the mother.

Parenting issues…as I see it


You must be wondering whether you are democratic enough as a parent. Too democratic, however, back off discipline. On many instances, neither power nor responsibility is equally distributed between children and adults. Let us say in the tender years, children can’t solve problem themselves. In the same note, to feel save, children need their parents to provide security. They need to be taught to be responsible to themselves. Hence, those years would be authoritarian years for parents.

I believe parents mustn’t be a police. Neither be a judge at all time. They should strive for a workable balance of power. I have seen a kid who is so scared of his mother who is a teacher. When I asked the mum, she claimed that the son was lovely sometimes by telling her what had happened in school etc. I was quick to point out that the child was revealing the story provided that at that time he found out that he was dealing with the ‘mother’ not the ‘teacher’. Of course, I am referring to the strict functional role of teacher as factual knowledge provider rather than a warmth, lovely mother. If teachers can play both roles, it would be very beneficial for the development of children. This is where parents must strike a balance between being too permissive on one hand and too authoritarian, on the other hand.

Finally don’t forget to show warmth, to praise your child when he deserves it and show sensitivity to your child’s special need. Bye..