Loneliness in kids

1. Life has endless challenges. Only as a warrior can one withstand the path of life. A warrior cannot complain or regret anything. His life is an endless challenge, and challenges cannot possibly be good or bad. Challenges are simply challenges.” (Carlos Castaneda)

2. She is just a 15-year old kid (fictional) who had been accused of delivering hatred via IG. Her IG’s screenshot has been circulated from discipline teacher to athlete coach to HM.

3. Poor to response when subtle bully appears which she realized when it is too late and unbearable. Overreacting leads her to curse the bully with foul languages and the latter seize the opportunity by screenshot the IG and reports to a discipline teacher. The system discredits her than the bully when people trust pieces of evidence more than her statements.

4. She felt mom didn’t love her since mom seldom shows much affection like what she had been showing to the younger kids. Dad is away for many years, a weekend’s father.

5. Her grandmother whom she used to consult whenever she had relationship problem at school had moved and stayed with her aunt a few years back.

6. Back from school, she was left alone. No one to talk to.

7. Her main worry is: in case she will be forbidden from taking part in sport, the only area she is good at.

8. Loneliness in kids is a real issue. Depression (in kids) manifests mainly as oppositional defiant behavior. This kid is vulnerable since she has undergone transient attachment without a secure attachment figure. The system which failed to protect the weakest perpetuates hopelessness.

9. Gives the family a chance. Time to correct and you will never regret.






Challenges in executing the responsibility

1. Transformation is a process that requires commitment and energy. Breaking the notorious cycle that retards development is challenging as it often brings hostility, dispute, and disagreement.

2. Execution begins with an attitude change. Attitude is a multiplication of resistance and skills. The higher the resistance, the poorer the attitude. Resistance has to be fought with the education provided via explanation, clarification, and disclosure. Time and again, people change when they know and understand. A few who know, apprehend and cognize but never change have flourished to core resistance.

3. Personality is a sum total of motivation, affect, temperament and intelligence. While temperament is the fundamental basis of personality that hardly can be modified, motivation and affect are highly modifiable with knowledge and experience. The higher the intelligence, the simpler, the process of personal transformation.

4. Bringing innovation to the system requires a multitude of transformational efforts that have to be put together with the myriad of creative forces. The real challenge is for one to be sure that the changes are good for all before he can convince the others.  Group motivation is helpful since through friendship can we create the ‘illusion’ for the moment that we are not alone. Hopefully, it is not just an illusion but a fact and reality.

5. Self- and group-interest has to be set aside. An organization has to prioritize the company interest at the expanse of individuals self-interest. Though Adam Smith is very explicit about self-interest, like what had been written in his book, ‘The Wealth of Nations’:

“It is not from the benevolence (kindness) of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.”

Life has proven him wrong. Some behaviors are not made to suit Adam Smith’s legitimate self-interest theory. Some illegitimate behaviors are expressed in the form of deceit, coercion, and violence; seeking own benefit, enrich oneself at the expense of those around them. This type of self-interest is usually condemned and disapproved.

6. Managing the dynamic of change is crucial. In the process of change, sabotage of various kinds such as withholding information, taking a position of passive resistance, morale-crushing hallway conversations may hold up progress.

7. Jerry Jellison’s described 5 stage theory on the dynamic of change, namely:

Stage 1. Static Quo: Staff develops fear, anger, and self-doubt. The consequences at the first stage are the loss of job and financial loss.

Stage 2. Taking the Plunge: Action taken at this stage is panic and escape mechanism.

Stage 3. Bottoming out; This stage of discouragement is followed by relief after corrective measures are taken.

Stage 4. Going confidence: This is manifested by a feeling of pleasure and self-confidence.

Stage 5. Mastery is when people are feeling joyful and develop a sense of renewal following the successful turnover or recovery.

J Curve8. In order to manage change, staffs need to be told to:

– understand goal/vision/mission of transformation agenda

– recognize the necessity of change

– acknowledge challenges

– show irrevocable commitment

– layout a strategic plan for their unit and organization

– promise support and

– express their confidence

9. Managers have to communicate the specific action to the ground staffs, lay down the front-loading benefit and embark on simple, direct path – he must remove the barriers and obstructions as well as provide his personal assistance.

All the best.


transformation occurring phase by phase..

Competitive Life

1. She just wanted to watch tv. But mom said you have to be selective. I will decide which programs suit you.

2. Her day fills with tuition at irregular hours. Homework stretches her day to the middle of the night. On weekend; singing class, taekwondo, and piano lesson drain her energy.

3. She has been taught to memorize essays which aren’t her native language a week before the exam and failing to do so, she loses out miserably.

4. Finally, her determination drops.

5. I have seen many of this kind. Young people burn out at an early phase of life. Putting some expectation is good but too much will be harmful, so to speak.

6. Worst still kiasu set in. Hokkien for fear of losing. It creates a highly competitive culture for the child to live in.

7. All I want mom to do is to reward her for wanted behavior such as completes her homework by allowing her to watch her favorite tv show.

8. Reduce tuition classes if evidence shows the child benefits more from the lengthy school exercise and homework.

9. Watch out for stress and depression.

10. As someone says, the only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is, love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.


Empathetic Understanding

1. She is just 14. Feeling dejected, sensitive to criticism, need to be loved, wistfulness formed part of her personality. Dad is ill with multiple chronic ailments. Mum, a rubber-tapper has to work hard on a piece of rented land. She aspires to become a doctor one day but her achievement is just minimal.

2. She knows she got to read books until the sun comes below the ridge line and dusk had a full grip on the sky. Dad hollered out a warning warily. The slogan is for her to study hard and help them change the family financial situation for the better.

3. Every time she thinks about it her head pulses. Headaches become a psychosomatic symptom. She had just plain stressed out from this anguish and its aggravations.

4. Depression, of course, has to be ruled out.

5. Empathetic understanding by entering her private ‘world’ so as she could communicate her feeling regarding all her dilemma without hesitation is necessary.

6. She has to understand her attributes and learn to modify some of her attributes.

7. My advice is for her to be realistic about her aspiration to some achievable goals.

8. Lastly, learn to express the latent conflict.

9. The family role has never been underestimated. Who else, is the best to show empathetic understanding, if not the parent?

Abuse: Predict Long-Term Consequences?

1. It’s hard to predict what would be the consequence of sexual activity inflicted on a 6-year old child. Adult perception is develop based on early images, meaning, and perception. Fantasy play as early as 4 years old is known to affect the child’s view of sex-typed behavior.

2. Children at this age can’t differentiate between play or abuse. They may appear explicitly normal but years later when they started to understand the meaning of their experiences, feeling of shame and guilt may appear.

3. Adult’s coping with unfavorable experience ranges from repression, suppression, denial and displacement.

4. Women with a history of childhood sexual abuse show greater evidence of sexual disturbance, homosexual experiences, depression, and are more likely to be revictimized. Anxiety-depression and suicidal ideas have been associated with a history of childhood sexual abuse too (1).

5. Reconstructing and strengthening of perceptions of self and the meaning of events as well as helping to strengthen coping mechanism help to achieve positive outcomes in the adult. Exploring new possibilities, relating to others, personal strength, spiritual change, and appreciation of life would lead to optimism and extraversion in later life.

Absent Father

1. Everyday he whimpers upon reaching the classroom. Teachers are sick with him. We are puzzled by this behavior. Mum stands by him.

2. Probing into the history suggests a significant finding. Abandon by the father is believed to be significant to cause regressive behavior.

3. The hypothesis needs to be tested. The lab is a special rehabilitation class for children with special need. Teacher F moderates this client. He is a foster father, so to speak. In fact, the client doesn’t need to be in this class. The target is to get him back to the normal class as his IQ is sufficient enough for ordinary teaching in a normal classroom.

4. Feeling of loss and lack of love leads to the feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem. Social relationship is affected. He has no friend and doesn’t like to stay in the classroom. Added to the insult, is his small for age appearance and anxious emotional feeling.

5. When he shows too much attention-seeking behavior, teacher F ignores him. He comes back and reported of being ignored.

6. Father undoubtedly plays important role in the family. In those days, ‘ahem’ would just mean ‘don’t do that’. Father set and enforce a limit. Absence father figure has resulted in emotional difficulties in this child.

7. My advice: Making him understand by giving reassurance on how much mum and dad love him. If he feels loved, he can be helped to have well-adjusted life and grow up into a strong adult. Listen to him, let him talk and make him feel validated.

8. My final say: don’t give up!

+ + + + + + + + + + +
Update (21/3/12)

1. With perseverance, he is attending cognitive rehabilitation (CBT) class weekly and put back into the normal class.

2. Educational progress is monitored by continuous contact with teachers and the mother.

Right of The Wife

1. How cruel keeping a wife but deny her of any right. What if she goes bonkers?

2. A wife must be obedient to her husband but only if the rights of Allah come first. On the other hand, if the man commits cruelty, he shouldn’t deserve to be followed.

3. The way I see it, marriage as a lifetime commitment but if this is impossible then divorce may be necessary. The wife can divorce her husband by requesting faskh and approved by the Syariah Court.

4. Advice to her: When you suffer some adversity, physical or mental, remember there will have some reward for enduring it with patience and contented acceptance.

5. Remember that health is a blessing which you should work diligently to preserve.

Love Is Blind

1. Puzzle like never before when she was just smiling. Didn’t know where she came from; the kampung? the name of her sister? BF (other than just Abe) and even her class teacher.

2. All we knew she had forbidden love and expecting a labor of love with someone.

3. Love is blind. As Shakespeare writes in Two Gentlemen of Verona: If you love her you cannot see her. Why? Because Love is blind. True enough in her case, If you love him, forget about his name, Abe is enough. Why? Because Love is blind. Never before, I witness blind love in life drama.

4. My friend had a funny answer: he said, ‘no’ love is not blind. It is after you know her true color, you wish you’d been blind.

5. But the drama has to continue. I had told my two friends, go and get the follow-up. The faster the better. The ending must be tragic and broken-hearted….


1. Shakespeare must be making some errors in real LIFE.

2. Living in the animal world where the mighty win, cognitive weakness was capitalized to the benefit of the predator. It is as tragic and broken-hearted as I said.

3. The local version of true love…

Training Makes Empathy Perfect

1. Empathy belongs to how you put yourself in another’s shoes.

2. Some people have superficial empathy, some very deep empathy. Whoever they are, the fundamental principle is the empathy must be guided by knowledge and fact.

3. By perceiving other people emotion, a successful interpersonal interaction develops which encompass intellectual and emotional contagion and finally perspective taking.

4. Scientists have mapped different brain regions such as ventral striatal response to happy faces correlated positively with Empathy Quotient (EQ), precuneus and lateral prefrontal cortical response to angry faces correlated positively with EQ.

5. The region in the left dorsal inferior frontal gyrus/premotor cortex was positively correlated to the EQ across all four emotions i.e happy, sad, angry and disgust. This region could, therefore, constitute a biomarker for trait empathy across emotions. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18633800)

6. I believe empathy can be trained. So training makes empathy perfect and so the history taking..

Study on Bilingualism

1. Studies in bilingualism come from 3 main disciplines; psychology, applied linguistics, and education. Psychologists are interested in brain functioning and cognitive processing, linguists are interested in the way individuals and groups develop and use language and educationists are interested in language teaching and learning in classroom settings as well as assessment.

2. Memory can be divided into echoic memory, short-term (working) memory and long-term memory. Long-term memory can be subdivided into episodic, semantic, procedural and declarative. In the same way, multiple languages in a brain can be divided into separate language systems. It means each language system in the brain of a multilingual can be represented by systems that are able to function independently of the other language systems.

3. Unilingual structure in the brain of a monolingual user consists of separate subsystems, namely the phonological, orthographical, syntactical, contextual and lexical systems. Modularity theory posits that even though these different subsystems work together in a single language system, they are independent of each other. Language processor is modular; (meaning it is designed with standardized units or dimensions) as for easy assembly and repair or flexible arrangement and use, whereas episodic memory is non-modular; and it is sensitive to the intention to learn and to other motivational variation.

4. The level of lexical representations was traditionally thought to refer to the semantic description of individual words.

5. One of the earliest bilingual models classifying bilinguals into coordinate bilingualism, sub-coordinate bilingualism or compound bilingualism.

6. In coordinate bilingualism, the word of 2 languages are kept separate in different conceptual systems and each word (in each language) has its own specific meaning. In this case, the languages are independent of each other. In sub-coordinate bilingualism, the first language takes the position of the dominant linguistic system and the linguistic system of the second language is attached to that of the first language. In compound bilingualism, the word of both languages are attached to the same mental representation; i.e. 2 different verbal labels are attached to a single concept. In this case, the languages are interdependent only at the conceptual level.

By: Hong Ee-Li & Rita E. Silver.

Declaration: This is based on my reading of the article entitled The Psychology of Bilingual language Acquisition. Written by: Hong Ee Li & Rita E. Silver. The whole passage is taken right from this article, courtesy to these authors. It is shared for the purpose of dissemination of knowledge. No profit motive involved.