Traditional Malay Engagement




1. Engagement in traditional Malay culture is like making a deal. A family rep talks on a desire to ‘pluck a flower’ which literally means ‘take on a lady to be matched with a man’.

2. The male group will be headed by a father or an elderly man, in case the mother is a single parent. He briefs the host on the objective of the visit and thanks to the host for the reception. In some cases, when delivering the purpose of the visit, the elderly reps uses pantun and gurindam. These are traditional Malay oral verses, recited according to the fixed rhythm with similar ending sound.

3. The father of the groom in exchanging speech than would decide the dowry (hantaran) and mas kahwin. Real negotiation actually happens before the official ceremony. Once agreement on the dowry is sealed, no more negotiation allowed on the engagement day. Both parties are indeed, save from public humiliation.

4. Not uncommon, for ordinary folks, dowry depends very much on career, social and family status.

5. Both parties then decide on the wedding date. Interestingly, Malays when deciding on proposal rarely produce agreement letter. Unlike marriage, the certificate is not needed.  Engagement contract belongs to socio-religious plethora which requires total commitment to faith and deep-rooted cultural appreciation.

6. Exchange of gift traditionally involves flower arrangement made from betel leaves, cakes, candy, and hand-bouquet. The ceremony ends with some prayers (do’a).

My Sleep

1. Some people say defeat can be habit-forming.

2. I was shocked when told to share a hotel room a few months back. Protested and managed to get a single room. Yet similar incident recurred. This time, I had to protest and find a new place.

3. When you are aging, you form habits which are personal and confidential. Sleep is reflective as when you are in total awareness. Therefore, it is hard, at a certain stage in life to let people share your ‘dreaming world’ except with your familiar sleeping partner.

4. I got to make it clear and break the losing habit, once and for all. Those staffs of mine who book for me must resist habit of making excuses. Until I face up to them, I will keep on losing my own private sleeping sphere. I don’t mind if I’m going into an unpleasant bout of losing respect in order to keep my sleeping right.

Sleep, sleep,
Come my way.
Let me sleep,
So I can start a new day



concentration to the fullest ..


Women Domination?


1. I had a rare moment of repose each time I visited students posted outside the campus. The trip was far from being a passive observer but had to do teaching and case discussion. Students when they are being left alone, far from being paternalistic, are quite independent and organize.

2. Amid pervasive domination of women on campus, active discussion and idea sharing work well for both sexes. Despite small in number, male existence is necessary to avoid the all-female stereotype.

3. All girls are at risk of the competitive parade and sensational rumors. All boys are at risk of the bad crowd and terrible force of peer pressure. Earnest Hemingway short stories of Men without Women tell stories about gangsters, bullfighters, soldiers, and killers. Those are the world of men domination.

4. Feminists strive for women to be equal partners, I am not sure..since, on many occasions, I always heard complaints of difficulty juggling career and family come from women. Do those complaints mean, men are still dominant partners?

5. When women achieve parity in the lecture hall, men are pushed to the back seat…


equal numbers ..

Happy New Year 2013

1. Happy New Year 2013.

2. It has been the busy year of 2012. Nonetheless, I am lucky to live in an environment where opinions are shared and ideas are exchanged. Occasionally, gossip plays some unintelligent role too. It has to be avoided at all cost, especially with the coming of New Year 2013.

3. I started my New Year by registering this blog to a new domain:

4. That means widening the scope of readers and re-branding the old blog into a new entity. Even without frequent entry, the old entity used to receive many readers every day. With the new entity hopefully, professionalism can be improved as I move along 2013.

5. I have made major changes in my life at the end of 2012 and continue improving it starting from 2013. (refer the last posting). I manage to go thro’ the adjustment period pretty well and looking forward to major challenges ahead. Pray to Almighty, I might be able to navigate my life successfully.

6. New school and PLKN. My kids obviously hate this..but they’re the rule of the country. Checking in to the new school is obviously stressful. Meeting new friends in PLKN create anxiety but surely teach a lot of social skills and improve EQ.

7. To reward them, I get a new computer: Acer New Touch Screen computer which works like IPad and laptop.

8. Finally, Syukur to Allah for all the past blessings and doa for the future undertaking.