When the best actors are chosen by other actors,
it’s called the Oscars.
When the best actors are chosen by the people,
it’s called an Election.
People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work…make less mistakes,
People who do no work…make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes…get promoted.
Every Lady hopes that her daughter will marry a Better Man than she did and is convinced that her son will Never find a wife as Good as his father did.
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I, uh,” she stammered. “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”
“I see,” he said. “I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.”
“That’s not bad,” she replied. “How much for all night?”
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate A11. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but MH 1435 will board from Gate B10.”So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate B10. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight MH 1435 would in fact be boarding from Gate A11. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Malaysian Airline’s physical fitness program.
A Walking economy
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, “I’m a walking economy.”The friend asks, “How so?””My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are puttingme into a deep depression!”
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Bang, I just heard on Radio Era that there’s a car going the wrong way on hiway. Please be careful!” “Heck,” said the old man, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”